Mattie Schraeder

Pride is something I’m still struggling to understand, and since it’s pride month I thought it would be a good idea to put my thoughts down. Pride means so many things to so many people. More than anything, I think it means being proud of who you are as a person. That is something I’ve struggled with my entire life.

I started this blog because my therapist recommended I start a journal. So I followed her advice and I started by writing down my story in a Google doc. I shared the initial draft with my friends, and thought I might as well put it online. That first doc is what became the first two posts of this blog.

Since then things have been crazy. It’s gotten far more reach than I ever could have expected. So now I’ve decided to join Patreon.

You don’t have to worry though, as none of my posts will be marked as patron only. I will never lock content behind a paywall. Instead, I’m offering early sneak peaks at my work in progress posts, and the chance to vote on and suggest future topics to write about! Exciting!

So if you like my content, and want to support me spending my free time posting about my life story and experiences, click the link and become my patron.

Thank you so much for reading. <3

Everyone reacted to me as coming out as transgender differently. I briefly touched on this in my post about coming out, but I wanted to go into more detail about those reactions, rather than the process itself. Each reaction can be grouped into one or more of a few categories: excitement, questioning, doubt, indifference, and turning it back on themselves. I can’t say that one group of reactions is better than another, because they all have their positives and negatives.

I’ve already written about my experiences at inclusive conferences in my post about Code4Lib, but Geekway to the West is different. It’s a convention purely for fun and socialization. I’ve been going to Geekway, an amazing board game convention for the midwest, for five years now. It might not be as big and impressive as Gencon, but it’s been my convention of choice since it was introduced to me. This year was the second since I came out a transgender, but the first that I’ve been able to truly be myself. Last year, I’d barely been out as transgender. I was on HRT for a whole two months at the time and I know I didn’t pass.

“You’ll never be a real woman.” It’s a phrase that most transgender women have heard in one way or another before, during, or even after their transition. I first heard it the last time I spoke with my mother about my transition.

Today is the Transgender Day of Visibility, and it’s my first one being out as transgender. I really wanted to come out last year on this day, because visibility was, and still is, important to me but unfortunately it wasn’t quite in the cards. If it wasn’t for past days like today, I might still be in the closet, dealing with my gender dysphoria in private, and being miserable in the process.

It’s an unfortunate misconception that being transgender is a mental health issue. The fact that it was listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM) as “gender identity disorder” until 2013 didn’t help matters. That isn’t to say that there aren’t mental health problems that go hand in hand with being transgender, but instead that being transgender itself isn’t a mental health issue.

Early in my transition I was asked by several people why I can’t just accept the way I am. I find it a really hard question to answer in a way that is satisfactory, and that they can understand. The problem is that they’re looking for an answer that can’t be given. The fact of the matter is that transgender people who come out as transgender are finally accepting who they are. Possibly for the first time in their lives they’re doing exactly what the people asking that question are asking them to do.

The internet is a wild place, and just recently it blew up because one of my favorite internet celebrities used a slur. ContraPoints, a transgender woman who makes YouTube videos about social justice, posted the titles of her next three videos. One of which is titled after an alt-right meme, “Are Traps Gay?”

Gender matters, because people instinctively react to you differently based on your gender presentation. As much as I wish I could argue that gender doesn’t matter, as I tried to do for so long before I finally came out as transgender, I can’t. It affects every aspect of how people react to you. Transitioning is incredibly eye opening, because you can learn first hand the difference in how people act based on something as simple as your gender presentation.